By Lizette Torres –

I was a teenager still attending high school when I became a mom. Now I look at my son and I am amazed he is going to turn 22 this year. My son was the first grandchild on both sides of the family and I can still remember the tug of war I had with my mother, the Puerto Rican wela, over this cute unexpected newborn.

Needles to say mommi won that war. She jumped right in and took control. She fell in love with my son and since she was already a stay at home mom, she offered to take care of Luisito while I continued with my education.

I eventually moved out of mommi’s house at 17 and by the time I was 22 I had three kids. I had two boys, Luisito, the brains of the operation, Buster, my gentleman, and then I had my precious daughter Tyina, the perfectionist.

Mommi continued to watch all three but she always gave a little more attention to Luisito. If you ask her about that, she will deny it and say in her Spanish accent “I love all my grandkids the same.”

I was working full-time, lugging the kids back and forth from my house to mommi’s. Some days when I would go pick up the kids after work, mommi always saved me un plato de comida. As I ate, she would sit next to me and run down the list of what my kids ate that day and who still needed a bath.

If any of the kids fell asleep by the time we had to leave, mommi would always say, “ay dejalo.” She also would make sure to take a dig and say, “Poor kids, this is abuse. The type of job you have is for young girls that don’t have kids.”

She always wanted me to let them sleep over and I could then feel the tug of war starting again but depending on the day, I would leave them.

There wasn’t anything that I couldn’t get involved in, mommi would always say, “go, go, have fun.” And then later she would express to every one else how tired she was.

But looking at them and how fast they grew up, I now wish mommi would have made me take care of my own kids more. I know she did it out of the love for me and the kids but it did hurt me in the long run.

I remember one day I came to pick up the kids at her house and as I opened the door, I saw my son Luisito, who was about five and two-feet-tall at the time, yelling and screaming orders at my mother. Then he looked up and noticed me, his eyes opened wide and his jaw dropped. I went right up to him, got in his face and in a slow, calm, deep voice I said, “Are you yelling at my mother?”

And here came mommi, “Oh, it’s OK he didn’t do anything bad.”

I felt like he was my brother and she was his mother. Then we would get into an argument as to why he was so spoiled. She always let them get away with murder.

And over the years I have paid the consequences for my mother being so involved in our lives.  But when I did try to keep my distance, mommi would call me and say, “Ay bring me the kids, I miss you guys, are you mad at me?”

“Yes, I mean no mommi I am not mad at you,” I told her.

It was a catch 22, I wanted all the control but I did enjoy the freedom my mother gave me by stepping in and doing my job. I remember mornings with three little ones, lunches and uniforms and trying to get all of us to where we had to be on time was such a challenge.

That’s when I felt blessed to have a mother who helped me. As I write this I am looking at my daughter Tyina, so beautiful and so smart, she looks like a grown woman now. I want to ask but I am afraid to ask her if she wished I would have been a stay at home mom.

So I asked, “Ty do you feel like I should have been around more when you where a little kid?”

Ty said, “Exactly what do you mean mom?”

“Well do you hate that I dropped you off at the before school program and your dad picked you up from school and dropped you off at welas?” I asked.

Ty said, “No mom, I loved the school programs and you were around enough.”

Enough! Was it enough, I wondered. But I felt so relieved she did not say, “Mom you should have been there more often instead of at work all time.”

So maybe it’s just my guilt, my regrets of not being there for every single moment, for every single story. But now, when I think back I thank God that I had mommi and my kids were well taken care of.  Mommi did do a lot of things I didn’t like but I am grateful to God that I had a mom who helped me take care of the kids. My kids are almost all grown up now but I just feel like time went by too fast.