By Maricruz Barrera –

As I noticed David during Christmas mass last December, a lump formed in my throat and my stomach turned. I shyly looked up to see him smiling at me, and quickly looked down again. I was not expecting this. A sudden wave of happiness overcame me and as the parishioners made their way out of the church, I weaved my way through the pews to find him.
“Excuse me, do you remember me?” I asked him when he turned around. A familiar smile spread across his face as he gave me a hug and asked how I was doing. The conversation wasn’t long, but fulfilling enough to complete my holiday cheer. It had been two years since I had last seen him.  Seeing him always brings back memories of my grade school days at St. Thecla in Chicago. But my trip down memory lane is never complete without memories of David.

Aside from my skin color being different to the other kids in school, I managed to stand apart from the rest in many other ways. My body began to develop as early as 3rd grade and I would hide behind baggy sweatshirts with hopes of nobody noticing my chest. Still, I didn’t do a great job covering up. I will never forget when a boy in my class spread a rumor that I had “big bum bums.”  I had an early growth spurt and towered over my classmates.

My classmates grew into their teenage skinny and athletic bodies, but I was chubby, weighing at 126 to130 pounds with a double chin. My parents didn’t believe in allowing me to shave my legs or pluck my eyebrows until my quinceañera, despite the fact that my legs were covered with hair and my eyebrows were really a unibrow just like Frida Kahlo’s. I would often complain about this rule, but they insisted I couldn’t shave even when my upper lip began to grow hair as well. I was so embarrassed throughout my grade school years and struggled with accepting my Mexican culture. I felt like Ugly Mari.

Every summer, my classmates would go to Disney World, but I would visit family in small, poor towns in Mexico. We’d go to many, many cathedrals where my parents had made promesas to the santos. I would often be bored out of my mind and wish I had stayed home instead. I didn’t appreciate the beauty of all of this because I wanted to be more like my classmates visiting Mickey Mouse.

After school, I would walk home alone. Then in the seventh grade I started walking home with David, a sixth grader who was by far the most popular boy in the entire school. David was involved in every sport and MVP in them all, as well as captain of the altar servers, band, and choir.

He would listen intently to my conversations and I learned he wasn’t the typical popular kid that was selfish and obnoxious. He was very humble, genuine and caring.  In my head, I denied that I had feelings for him. I knew if I’d admit it to myself, it would only result in me getting crushed. I was insecure about my hairiness and weight that I never expected to ever have a chance with him.

I continued to try to fight my feelings and fear of getting hurt, but the more I tried, the more they grew. One day he smiled at me from across a room and I felt the butterflies in my stomach. That’s when I just knew I couldn’t deny it any longer.

My parents would never let me go out with friends, even less, with boys after school, I would usually have to stay home to help my mom make dinner, clean the house, or tendiendo la ropa, so I didn’t get to see David often. When I saw him walking to school my first day of eighth grade year in his white #26 football jersey, I felt the butterflies all over again.

I would feel special when he would leave his friends to start walking with me. Throughout the day, we would share smiles in the halls and glances at each other. I treasured every smile, every glance, and everyday that we walked home together. Like every teen, I would gush to my best friend and write it in my journal.

I begged my parents to let me go to some of the school dances. Surprisingly they gave me the green light to go to a few and I was able to share my first dance with David. When he confessed he liked me I was so speechless that I never found the right words to tell him how I really felt. I had imagined this moment all year long but now I couldn’t believe it was real. During the following weeks our friendship changed. But it was never an official “boyfriend/girlfriend” status.

I never found the words to tell him how I really felt. I wonder if this was the cause of our relationship growing apart or the realization that soon I would be graduating and moving on. Days would pass by without us saying hello to each other. I would ache watching him walking blocks ahead of me.

Sadly, I never got to say goodbye to him. Or more importantly, to thank him for the good times we had and for seeing my beauty (hairy legs and all.) After always being in the minority at my school, I learned to be more confident in my own skin. Rather than meekly mumbling “I’m Mexican,” I was now proud to not only say it, but to be it.

Seeing David again reminded me of my grade school crush. Now that is the greatest present of all.